Stick Season

How to avoid a quarter life crisis in the midst of transition.

No one really ever prepares you for your early to mid 20s. Some of the people you have spent everyday with leading up to high school graduation are beginning to create distance to be with their partners, are getting married, building dream houses, and having babies. Others are in the small hometown bar five nights a week. Some moved far away and haven't looked back. Holidays feel different, home feels different, college is coming to a close. How do we do the transition well? How do we not feel so alone in the process? How do we navigate the transition of getting off of our parents' insurance, traveling, and finding the dream job without falling into a deep pit of comparison or even a quarter life crisis?

I realize I am young and will be no expert or make it all better but I am here to share some tips, and talk about a very real season some of you find yourselves in.

The stick season. That's what I want to call this. Quarter life crisis sounds a little dramatic and scary, so let's call it your stick season- a time of transition. The time between the leaves falling and the snow falling, the time between the snow falling and the flowers starting to bud.

Most of the time, a ¼ life crisis is centered around three big things. Career. Love. Location. Why haven't I found my dream job yet? Why am I still single or why have I dated this guy for 5 years and no longer see us heading in the same direction? Or lastly, where do I live? I am about to graduate University. Do I move back home and give up some of my independence? Love, Location, Career. You might begin to panic or feel very uncertain. You might begin asking really big questions that you haven't asked before.

According to a study done by Harvard, 72% of young adults 22-27 experience this. It's more common than you might think. Below I am going to identify a few ways that a “stick season” can be manifest.

1. Job searching/ graduation/ planning career

Oftentimes our identity can get caught up in our career. What will people think if I graduate and still have no game plan? What if I don't get hired at all? Did I waste 4 years going after the wrong thing?

1. Living away from family for the first time

This can bring an identity that was different from what you had in your first 18 years of life. Making choices for yourself, new levels of responsibility in all aspects, etc.

1. Friendships

You have a much larger pool of people you get to spend your time with. They will influence you differently than the people that grew up down the street from you. You will be exposed to different ways of life, etc.

1. Financial investments/ travel

These 4 things can be very overwhelming to navigate. When it comes to friendships, it’s easy to ask yourself questions like, “who do I hang out with now that I don't see them 8-3 everyday in the classroom? Or share an apartment with them? Can I hang out with people that already have kids or have a husband? There aren't as many people on the same path as me?” It can be overwhelming. But the answer is yes. Be friends with Moms, college students, and 30 year olds. The options are endless but require a lot more effort day to day. Fight for strong community. Friendships will shape you and your world view more than you know.

Sooo when are you gonna give us some advice? I am reading and find myself relating with one or more of these.

The Bible is where I always like to start. We can never go wrong with hearing advice from the one who created us and everything around us.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

As much as we dont want to hear this (myself includes) The stick season or the quarter life crisis is essential. It has to happen. We have to question things, we have to reevaluate where we are headed, and we have to embrace the change. Growth is always on the other side of change and uncomfortability.

So my advice to you if you find yourself here:

1. Embrace the season you are in; the fullness of the season, don't look around.

2. Ask all the questions. Keep asking the questions.

3. Find 5 friends that you like being around; 5 people you want to be more like, who challenge you, bring out the best in you and people that when you leave you feel encouraged and not drained. Raise your expectations in your friendships. Put up boundaries if you need to.

4. If you feel stuck, and haven found the dream job quite yet don't quit improving and upskilling what you are good at. Just because school might be over, continue learning. Don't take yourself out of the race.

5. Experience everything you want to. Save money. Go on the trip. Use all of your PTO. I repeat. Use all of it. Your job is not your life or your identity.

6. Give it to God. He is not a genie in a bottle but He does say, “ask and you shall receive, knock.” Keep knocking. Know you deserve good things, do the work, and change your confessions.

7. Last one!! When it comes to the element of love and finding your person (I am speaking to myself here) If every holiday someone asks or even tries setting you up with someone, please know you're not behind, or gonna be single forever. Stop believing it and saying it out loud. Instead, say “God is just custom making my husband.” (or if you're a man reading- your wife). Custom things take a little longer to arrive. Patience my friend. It will be worth it.

I hope you feel encouraged today! I hope you know what you are feeling is valid and common and that it is all going to work together for good. Remember I am always here to chat or navigate it with you!

Love always,

Sie