A Love Like This

To the middle school boy who is still significantly shorter than all the girls in his class and can’t get a slow dance with her, to the 18 year old girl who is the last one in the friend group to have her first kiss, to the single mom of three trying to just make it through another day, to the middle-aged 30 year old who hasn't been on a date in nearly a decade, to the recently widowed going out to their favorite restaurant for the first time alone since she was 19, to the gal who has gotten shut down by every guy she's ever had a crush on. And to the one eating bottomless chips and salsa at Chili’s for Valentines day this year (oh wait— this one applies to me too).

This post is simply for the one that feels unlovable in this month of “love” Or maybe not even as much to say unlovable but lonely, disappointed, or feeling a deep void. If that’s you, have a seat.

It was a still Thursday afternoon with about 4 tables in the entire restaurant. Every part of me wanted to go home. I had my side work done and all my tables were empty. I was taking laps around trying my best to keep a plastered smile on my face everytime my manager caught a glimpse of me. I was thinking of all the things I could be getting accomplished; napping was definitely on the top. My warm bed, the comforter pulled over my face, or even a couch nap. Mid day couch naps just hit different. That's when she walked through the thick oak doors. Her hair was solid gray cut a few inches above her shoulders. She had a smile on her face and knew exactly what she came to order. “Welcome in my name is Sierra! I will be taking care of you today, are there any other beverages or starters I can interest you in?” I said. With a big smile she declined. She came for one thing and one thing only- the famous French Dip Sandwich. For the first three fourths of her dining experience I just went through the motions. I didn't make small talk, I did what I needed to do to get her in and out so that I could be let go early.

At the end of her meal she boxed up half that sandwich and proceeded to tell me that this was the spot she and her husband came to since we opened back in the 90s. They went on their first date here, and every year after would come in for her birthday/ valentines day, and their anniversary. With a tear in her eyes she informed me that this was her first birthday without him. They would always split the French dip, and a slice of the key lime pie. She proceeded to tell me it only felt right to come back in even if the person she adored most wasn't there to share it with her.

This time of year, this month can be incredibly hard for people. Maybe even you as you're reading this find yourself disappointed, lonely, or comparing yourself to someone elses story in your world or on social media.

Can I remind you today that real love is year round? It's sacrificial. It's hard. It's a choice. Everyday, not just in February. It's dying to yourself, and serving those around you. I really love old people and hearing their love stories because they chose that person every single day. When life hit, they did not run. They sacrificed, championed, and walked alongside this one person for over half their lifetime. Yet some days they still got it so completely wrong.

My friends, God is the one and only one who has ever modeled perfect love. As humans we have this very skewed, broken, minimal, and conditional understanding of love.

God sent his one and only son Jesus to come down here on earth, model a perfect, sinless life, and then be sent to die a painful and humiliating death on the cross. All that time He had YOU in mind. The God that delights in you and mourns when you cry. He isn't embarrassed of you or disappointed in you. He is the best listener and leads you through the thickest storms. He has never taken his eyes off of you, He won't control you, rather He is patient and kind. He adores you and is completely and utterly wild about you. He gave his life for YOU, so that you could live in freedom and have eternal life with him. This is the greatest romance. The only thing that can fill that void.

How do we comprehend a love like this? The wonder of His love. It will leave you speechless. The mystery that covers every single one of our mistakes.

When I was thinking about this blog, I thought of how I wanted to explain to you that I found it very hard. There isn't anything you can truly compare it to. So I began doing some digging and realized that from the complex word Love, there are four different levels or meanings.

The first being Eros. This is passionate love. It's often all about need and the person who's feeling sexually attractive than it is about the person who is the focus of that love. It can be addicting and cause great joy and pain. It's not always good for you and can be very unfulling.

Next, we have Philia, this is the love of friends or people equal to you. Pretty self explanatory.

Storge is the love that parents have for children. This love is described as the most natural love. It's emotive because we can't help ourselves and it pays the least attention as to where the person is actually worthy or deserving of this love.

Lastly, agape love. The love modeled by God for humanity. It is given without a return or self benefit. Agape love unites and heals.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Cor 13:4-7)

Now read that again but this time put your name in place of Love.

Adds some ownership.

So I share all of this, why? Is it okay to have a longing and a desire to have a partner to share this life with? Someone to buy you flowers, hold your hand, build a home with? 100%. We weren't designed to do this life alone. However, when that person does come along it is going to come with a lot of sacrifice, hard work, and even hard days. If you're insecure today, you will still be insecure with a partner. If you have a deep sadness or loneliness, a partner will not fill that void. The only person or relationship that can ever truly fill the void is with Jesus. A love that we cannot comprehend or deserve. A love that is chasing you down.

So to the guy or gal reading this, my prayer is that today you don't compare yourself to the person that has what you want. That blessing was never meant to be yours. If you had it, it wouldn’t be great. My prayer is that your worth and identity isn't intertwined with the relationship you have or are desiring to have. And my prayer is that you open your arms to a heavenly father who is so wild about you and wants a relationship with you.

On February 14th, will I be at Chili's eating all the chips and salsa? 100%. Do I long for the day I can bring the guy along? 100%. But I am filled with gratitude because the God of the universe chose me and would do it 1,000 times again. I am filled with gratitude because I have friends who love me dearly. I am filled with gratitude because there is breath in my lungs and a unique purpose for me.

If you still feel a little sad, or lonely, that's okay, it’s natural actually. But I do believe the person on the other side of the screen still has their best days ahead and will step into the relationship of their dreams in the right time and place, or will find strength and longevity in their current partner, and that a peace will overwhelm them in this moment.

You are loved my friends. Remember I am a text, phone call, or flight away always!

- Sie